Zero
by snappleapple518
Summary: Ty reflects on the reason why Amy left him, and wonders what could have possibly changed... and most of all was it HIS fault she left? R&R please!


**Disclaimer**: _I do not own Heartland, though it would be an interesting and happy time if I did. I also do not own the song "Zero" by Hawk Nelson, but I've changed the song quite a bit to make it fit with the song so it doesn't even really seem the same anymore._

**Spoiler**: _If you haven't read "Beyond the Horizon" you may not want to read this fic._

_**Zero**_

Ty lay down on the couch, exhausted by the day's work. Heartland was a very rewarding place to work, but it was also straining on him – physically _and _emotionally. It was complicated to work with a horse and become so attached to it, only to remember that the horse did not belong to him, and it would be gone soon. He'd never thought that would happen with Amy…

He'd always thought they'd be together…

But in the end he'd had to realize that she, like the horses – was not his, and she would leave him too.

And now she had; nothing was the same.

Ty stumbled into the house, his broad shoulders burdened by the memories of her. He still kept a picture of the two of them in his house, but now instead of it being a comforting symbol, it broke his heart over and over again.

Her beautiful face smiled up at him, and he had to wonder: could this Will person possibly love Amy in the way he had? Why would she leave other than the fact that Will loved her more than he had? But how was it possible? Was Ty's love lacking in some way? Had he done something wrong? He couldn't see how, but it must be true. He must not have known how to love Amy in the way she yearned for… and Will had known how.

He wondered if she ever thought about him… about them… did she ever wonder if what she'd done was the right thing? Or at least feel remorse?

He tried to feel angry, but somehow it did not come. Instead he began to cry, as he'd made a habit of doing lately.

_Your Life dreams are shattered, now you're gone away.  
We've cried here for hours, and the hours turn to days.  
We know you regret this, leaving us here, with portraits and memories that we've held so dear.  
_

The next day when Ty woke up he felt the tear-stains on his face. He didn't even bother taking a shower and getting rid of them.

Instead he just hopped into his truck and rode over to Heartland. Another day of grueling work…

With Amy there the reward had been doubly great; he'd been able to work with his passion: horses and he'd been able to spend time with a wonderful and beautiful girl that he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Now his dreams had been shattered, and seemingly his passion had been as well.

When Ty was down with the feeding he walked into the kitchen to talk to Lou for a second.

She was talking on the phone. He stood there for a second, figuring she would be done soon.

"Oh!" she cried with delight, "Amy that is wonderful…" she began, but then began to dribble off, noticing Ty in the room.

She looked over at him, and smiled, but it seemed a bit forced to him.

"Amy got a scholarship!" Lou proclaimed happily. "She's going to be visiting a ranch during the summer and doing an internship there! Isn't that wonderful?" she asked. Ty nodded.

"Yeah, excellent. Tell her congratulations for me." He said, but couldn't help but hear the sarcasm in his voice. Lou didn't seem to notice.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Lou asked. Ty had tried to talk to her a few times after she'd left, but it had been too painful for him to hear her voice and know that she was not his anymore.

"No, no thanks. I'll talk to her some other time. I have a lot of work to do." Ty said, and walked quickly out of the room so as not to be pushed into a conversation.

Because it just wasn't the same anymore…

It wasn't like the old days when everything had been the same. It seemed like just yesterday he and Amy used to see everything eye to eye… but this gap between them was so monumental he was pretty sure they would never be able to cross it.

As he walked away, he heard Amy say something from the phone. Lou responded with a quick, "No, I'm sure he'll be okay, Amy. Don't worry about it."

But Ty doubted that he _would _be okay… he doubted he'd ever _really _be okay.

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
No matter what they say, I'm not okay.  
And we started at zero, and went different ways.  
Now we're all out here wasting away._

And if we started at zero, then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same.  


He once again wondered what he'd done to make her fall out of love with him. Had he done something bad that all she wanted for him was to be okay? She didn't care enough to even demand to speak to him, and tell him she was sorry? Because she should be sorry.

But then again... if it was his fault… what did she have to be sorry about? Nothing.

Everyone had liked Amy. Well, most everyone had, and the ones who hadn't had only been jealous of her because it was clear that she was going to end up so much more than them. She was always nice to people, and never said anything bad about them. People never said anything bad about her. She was just one of those people… why had she liked him? He was the boy who had dropped out of school at sixteen. What had he had to offer? Nothing.

I_t's been 3 months since she left us.  
So far nothing's been the same.  
And my question without answer is:  
Am I the one to blame?_

She was such a good description of a favored future girl.  
She spoke well of other people, and they said the same for her. 

Ty went home that night after he finished his chores, feeling even worse than he'd felt last night. His wounds felt somehow fresh tonight. Hearing her voice, even muffled over a telephone line, had been in some way painful for him.

He got on his computer (something he did very rarely, because he was usually so tired from work) and logged onto the internet. He checked his e-mail, and was surprised to see he actually had an e-mail. It was from Lou.

_Ty,_

_I'm sorry if I did something to make you upset today. I know that since Amy went away to college it's been really hard for you to work at Heartland without her. I hope I didn't make it worse today._

_Lou_

Ty felt his blood began to boil. Of course she'd made it worse!

He deleted the e-mail. She'd never even know he'd deleted it. He was pretty sure she knew he rarely checked his e-mail anyways.

Sorry… she said she was sorry! As if she knew what he was going through!

No one knew what he was going through.

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
no matter what they say, I'm not okay.  
and we started at zero, and went different ways.  
they say they're sorry, well what are they sorry for?  
How can they possible know what I'm going through?_

I feel like no one's ever had to deal with the pain that I'm dealing with right now.

Ty lay down on the couch, determined to go to sleep. He wondered if her friends Matt and Soraya ever thought about her like she did. Did they ever get angry that she hadn't stayed home and stayed the same as she had been before? No, probably not. They were not the same anymore either.

Just half a year ago everything had been so right… so perfect. And now everything was strange…

He wanted to be inside her brain… to know what she was thinking. But he was back home wallowing in his self-pity while she was out having fun with good ol' Will.

They'd been the same… so what had happened? They'd both been the same and now everything was different.

He was almost certain that just yesterday – just _yesterday_!... they'd been the same.

So how had things changed?

This was the question he feared he would never be able to answer.

_Does anyone have answers?  
Just 6 months ago everything was fine. Or so it seemed.  
what turn of event caused her to go this way?_

her friends aren't lonely,  
but I am depressed  
What was she thinking!?

And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
Now we're all out here wasting away Wasting away  
Wasting away

And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
Now we're all out here wasting away  
And if we started at zero  
Then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same  
We were the same  
We were the same

---

_Okay… um, read and review please! I feel depressed now, lol._

_Thanks for reading,_

_Snappleapple518_


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